The significance of a GPS locator and my Health Update #4
Today is a chemo day. Each chemo day starts the same with one of my friends from church picking me up to drive me to and from chemo. Have I mentioned before just how awesome and caring my church is? My chemo is located at the Skip Virage outpatient cancer building in Baltimore, which is also part of Johns Hopkins. Upon entering the building and as I get checked in, I am given a GPS clip to attach to my shirt.
This is some really cool technology! This locator lets the support and medical staff know where I am in the building at all times. Today, I had an appointment with my oncologist on floor 5 and then bloodwork and chemo on floor 6. With this GPS clip, I no longer need to check in and let them know I have arrived. I simply find a seat and wait for my name to be called. I know for all my libertarian friends, if this was introduced into the public, many, and rightly so, would refuse, but in this setting, it is a comfort. The first time I had an appointment, I was leery and still tried to check in. They assured me that they knew I was here, and they would be with me soon. I have found that to be true, and many times they even take me earlier as I usually arrive early for my appointments.
Why reference this GPS tracker? Simply put, it is a huge comfort for me and other cancer patients at Hopkins, many of whom are weaker and more fragile than I am. I am sure the technology would notify medical staff if someone should fall in the bathroom or happened to mistakenly end up on the wrong floor, especially during this time of Covid when we are not able to have family or friends here to support us.
So what is my point? Why am I sharing about this GPS locator on my blog? Just like the hospital staff know the importance of providing care and giving patients the confidence that they are aware of where and how they are doing at all times, God also reminds His children in His Word that He is ever-present, or as we say in theology, omnipresent. God is also omniscient, which means all-knowing. This is why theology is so vital for every Christian to learn and to secure that knowledge within their hearts and minds. In my undergraduate to doctoral education, I read about theology, wrote on theology, discussed theology, and even dreamt about theology, but in my present cancer diagnosis, my understanding is expanding like never before. The best way I can describe it is like a vacation that you painstakingly plan and envision for months and then at last you stand before that picturesque mountain view or dip your feet into the clear waters of the Caribbean, experiencing the fruit of your hard work. Not a day has passed since June 10th, the day my good friend and doctor, Dr. Heitzig, called to let me know of a suspicious mass on my liver, that I haven’t said to God, “Lord, this did not catch you by surprise so help me to be aware and acknowledge your presence in my life.” God has been reminding me of his presence, knowledge, and care through His Word, through His provided peace, and through His church (both local and global). As I say words and phrases such as content, and my heart is full, and taking it all in, all of which usually refer to happy times, this has been far from a happy and encouraging time. I often have discouraging emotional days where I find myself weeping in my wife’s embrace. However, because of God’s omnipresence and omniscience, my heart is full and content. I walk this journey, as I also walk around this huge cancer center, knowing that I am never outside His watchful and caring eye!
In Psalm 33:16-21, the writer speaks on the relationship between trust and fear. We usually think of these words as opposite, but actually they are inherently connected. You fear what you trust, and you trust what you fear. If we are trusting in this present world as our only source of happiness and contentment, then we will have great fear when we face the potential of losing part or all of what makes us happy. I spent the first 10-15 years of my pastoral career as a people pleaser, and trust me that it was the best of times and the worst of times. When I was doing well at pleasing and receiving those compliments, it was wonderful, but when the compliments dried up or I was criticized, my fear would take over and consume me. When I fear man or situations, it is because I am trusting in man and situations, and if you fear the Lord, it is because you are trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 33:16-21
16 The king is not saved by his great army;
a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.
17 The war horse is a false hope for salvation,
and by its great might it cannot rescue.
18 Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
19 that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.
20 Our soul waits for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
21 For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
22 Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.
David, the assumed writer of this Psalm, is making the important point that we are not to place confidence in the things around us. It makes sense for the king to trust his great army, a warrior his strength, or even a great war horse for its ability to rescue, but these are false hopes and confidences. For the Lord’s eye is on those who fear Him and for those who hope in His steadfast love! If I can be vulnerable for a moment, last year I felt like I had the wind at my back. I had just finished the work for my doctoral requirements, I was asked by my senior pastor and executive pastor to serve with them as part of the senior staff of our church, my counseling ministry was growing and was being sought out by many. The church was looking forward to expanding the counseling ministry. I trained four new marriage mentors and the family and marriage ministry were growing. My family was doing well and we were looking forward to what the future held. Then with Covid and this cancer diagnosis, it exposed the many cracks and weaknesses in my foundation. It is easy for us to put all of our eggs into one basket. What is your basket? What are you trusting in? What do you fear if you were to lose it? If it is the stock market, your job, or even your family? What are you looking to trust that only God can truly provide? Fear and trust the Lord! “Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love.”
Therefore, enter into His embrace, where His GPS tracker is always in you, otherwise known as the Holy Spirit. He knows your fears, your anxieties, and your emotions, trust in His providence and His provision for you, your family, and your future.
Now for a health update, excuse me for putting it at the end, but I wanted you to read the first part. Gotcha! On Monday, August 10th, I received my 2nd chemo and then I had a two-week break. This past week off of chemo was great and encouraging. I was able to spend time in the church office. I was able to do fun things with the family, which included a visit to some friends and family in PA. I even woke up early to do farm work, including feeding the calves.
Today, I am back at Johns Hopkins getting my third dose of chemo. My liver numbers have been high and my kidney levels have been up and down. My doctors almost didn’t move forward today with chemo because of my liver functions bloodwork, but in the end they decided it was safe to proceed. It is my hope that the chemo can continue in order to see if it is having a positive impact on the tumor. I am halfway finished (3 of 6 chemo treatments) before they are planning to run any scans to see the progress.
If you feel inclined to pray for me:
- Pray for my heart to remain trusting and fearing the Lord and not looking elsewhere to things that don’t hold eternal implications.
- Pray that I can continue to minister and encourage others as I walk this journey.
- Pray for my family as they watch me; pray for us to have quality family time. Because of my risk of infections, I need to stay in driving distance to Hopkins, so our options for getting out of the house are limited.
- Pray for my body that the tumor will respond and shrink due to the chemotherapy and that my liver function numbers would lower, which would decrease my risk of liver infections. Also my genetic marker testing returned and my liver tumor has genetic markers for the BRCA mutation, which we already knew when my mother passed away from breast/ovarian cancer. The doctors were not sure if it would be present in the liver tumor, fortunately it is, because the chemo drug cisplatin, which I am on has shown positive response in tumors with BRCA. This means that a significant cause of the cancer was from the BRCA mutation, which I inherited from my mother. I also had an uncle (my mother’s brother), before genetic testing, pass away from pancreatic cancer in his early 50s, a related cancer. My gastroenterologist would schedule regular MRIs to screen for any cancer due to my BRCA, this cancer was found during one of those screenings.